I won the 3rd prize for the Public Speaking competition I joined today. Shocking! seriously shocking. I prepared the speech last night and practically cried my way through the impromptu. How did I win?
Oh well. I get a fancy certificate. I just hope I don’t have to participate in the next one, next week. 
Reinventing myself is something I think I should have done a long time ago. I’m going to change a lot about me soon starting from outside in. I guess its time for me to start getting rid of the old and coming up with the new. This year is a year of being assertive and gaining control of my life and who I am.
Losing one of the biggest influences in my life has indirectly taught me to influence myself and to find my own source of inspiration. I need to rely more on me and start to mend the broken parts of me. I’ve got to change.
School starts tomorrow as a matter of fact. and I must fix my life before that. I must be able to stand on my own two feet and finish all my work, assignments.. what not. Today is my reinvent-me day. 
Perfection is something we all strive for. I want to have the perfect grades, body, friends, family, future, etc. Everyone wants that wonderful dream land to appear on their doorstep. It is possible. With a lot of hard work and a lot of prayer, it can happen.
How?
BELIEVE.
When I am seventeen I will be
SKINNY
smart
athletic
happy
pretty basic needs. I MUST be skinny before I’m seventeen. so scratch that. I’m going to be great. I know I will be. I guess my BFF ‘disappearing’ from my life in a way is going to make me grow up. Isn’t it wrong for me to take this as a ‘graduating’ phase. I adore Rae but sometimes, I’m in her shadow. A LOT. She pressures me in a different way that I guess makes me want to hurl although I feel that I need to meet her expectations. Its so complicated.
I guess I should be missing her. I do. Yet, this is a time for change. For moving on with everything. For fixing and creating. I miss my BFF. a lot. but I guess, change is who I am.
My best friend is gone.
I have tonnes of work to do.
I am tired.
THANK GOD for holidays.
My best friend has left me today and I guess I’m feeling down for a very good reason. But now, I don’t have my backbone to lean on, I have to be my own person, to stand up for me. I’m kinda like the ‘alpha’ female in my group. I can step out of being her giggly best friend who has a bubbly cheerful disposition. I can be me.
I miss her. But her leaving will change everything. Including me.
My best friend’s last day of school is today. Was today. Is it wrong for me to feel sad? Is it wrong for me to be upset? I don’t think so. I have a right to feel the way I do. She is a dear friend. She’s pratically my sister.
How can you stop missing someone, tell me.
Pledges I have taken
It has been 500 days since I signed the Chastity Pledge.
That was what was written on my LifeTeen profile. AWESOME, no? Chastity has always been a big deal to me since my friends don’t practice it. WOOT for 500days.
Biology would be a fascinating subject to learn if only Miss Tan was more interactive. I guess she’s a great teacher and all but please, I am literally dying in class. I just can’t understand what she’s teaching because she goes so fast, she keeps scolding us, she mumbles to herself. Please God, help Miss Tan be a great teacher so I can get an A in Biology. I don’t want to not understand. Its much too important a subject to not understand.
